I have a formal on Saturday night, dinner at this über chic restaurant in the sugardaddy part of the city, and I need to look
chic. I’m not going to trek down to Forever fucking 21 or something to buy a skin tight bodycon like my friends going, definitely not. Daddy bought me a Kate Spade dress six years ago, it’s my go-to little black dress, satin and gorgeous and made for the chest bone cleavage I am endlessly proud of. However, this sorta designer beauty is a size 2. Six years later I’m not really a 2, maybe a 4 if I try really hard on the average day, but a 2 isn’t achievable. So for the past month in preparation I’ve been dieting hardcore, ballet beautiful videos on youtube, and taking advantage of the free gym membership my university provides me with. This doesn’t seem much but because of a cut in grocery budget to $15/week I’ve dropped fifteen pounds this month. Yes that isn’t healthy I know but it’s
chic so get over it. The dress fits, yes, but I haven’t eaten a carb in a week. You know how in The Devil Wears Prada Emily says that she’s on that diet where she “doesn’t eat anything, and then when [she] feels like she’s about to faint she eats a cube of cheese”? Yeah that’s been my life. Even budget cheddar cheese is amazing. If I want to wear my totes amaze dress tomorrow night I can forget the dinner. So depressing because everyone knows that this poor chic girl can barely afford food as it is and a $40 fillet of salmon for free would be so welcome.
Basically, old dresses bought on daddy’s dime back when he would do that are the best thing the poor chic girl can have. Be a smart teenager, buy timeless and you’ll never buy black tie again. And keto is the new black, or at least it goes best with it. Ketosis breath is the new Marvis jasmine mint too just so you know.
Carbs are
so 2010.