Bugaboo scandal: shaming skinny mothers who recently gave birth

lena

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I have two kids (6 and 9), during pregnancy I gained some weight and then it went away. Looking good and be fit requires some discipline, I workout 3 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less), I cook healthy food for my family, I restrict. Sometimes it's too much for me, I have better times and worse but in general I'm satisfied with myself. And a lot of my friends have similar lifestyle. So it's possible and it's ok, you just can't let yourself go.
 
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Ellie

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I have two kids (6 and 9), during pregnancy I gained some weight and then it went away. Looking good and be fit requires some discipline, I workout 3 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less), I cook healthy food for my family, I restrict. Sometimes it's too much for me, I have better times and worse but in general I'm satisfied with myself. And a lot of my friends have similar lifestyle. So it's possible and it's ok, you just can't let yourself go.

Thank you for your response! I really want to know how it's possible to make it work if I have kids.

Here's a question: I feel like I hear a lot if new moms say they're too busy to cook or eat healthy (because steaming vegetables takes so much time...?) I kinda get this if you've got ten-and-ups you're driving to soccer practice and whatever. But when you're a new mom on maternity leave, home all day with a lump that cannot walk and is basically just an eat/sleep/poop machine ...don't you kinda have nothing but time to cook a healthy dinner?
 
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FrançoiseEllyn

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Thank you for your response! I really want to know how it's possible to make it work if I have kids.

Here's a question: I feel like I hear a lot if new moms say they're too busy to cook or eat healthy (because steaming vegetables takes so much time...?) I kinda get this if you've got ten-and-ups you're driving to soccer practice and whatever. But when you're a new mom on maternity leave, home all day with a lump that cannot walk and is basically just an eat/sleep/poop machine ...don't you kinda have nothing but time to cook a healthy dinner?
Just because they're a new born doesn't mean it doesn't require much work or time, and you're constantly exhausted as it is. It's still a full time job- whether by the mother, father, nanny, or other professional care.

Add in grocery shopping, other errands, or a significant other that also needs attention. After about two years, they're nonstop and it's almost more work than a ten year old because it's physically exhausting. Think about the kids who are the ones screaming everywhere at the mall and on planes, that's work.
 

erinasd

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Why does EVERYTHING offend EVERYONE? I actually saw this as an article on the runners world page on Facebook. I read some of the comments and they said: "she looks like a runner to me! This is a runners body. What is the problem?"

Its usually the overweight lazy women who are offended by something like this.. then the people who actually train/workout see no problems.

' Is this woman for real? (I say as I choke into my lukewarm coffee). I have no problem with the bikini or the fact that's she's jogging, but where's her floppy belly and stretch marks?

So I guess to be a real mom you must have the following to get approval:
flabby belly
stretch marks
exhausted look

my mother (my real life thinspo) : mother of 3 , on her late 40's, really fit and skinnier than me. her stomach is flat as hell, no stretch marks or whatever and the point is she is a real woman and a real mother.
her secrets : doing chores as her workout, healthy life style, also taking care of little kids needs a lot of energy.

So for me why i should be flabby-tired-real mom when in the future i can be beautiful, smart and also skinny mom.
 
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vanitas

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Thank you for your response! I really want to know how it's possible to make it work if I have kids.

Here's a question: I feel like I hear a lot if new moms say they're too busy to cook or eat healthy (because steaming vegetables takes so much time...?) I kinda get this if you've got ten-and-ups you're driving to soccer practice and whatever. But when you're a new mom on maternity leave, home all day with a lump that cannot walk and is basically just an eat/sleep/poop machine ...don't you kinda have nothing but time to cook a healthy dinner?

I know this question was for someone else but it's something that's on my mind a lot right now... you are correct to a certain extent - if you're at home with the baby and nothing else to do but housekeeping then there is often plenty of time to make a healthy meal. But only if you make an effort to spend the time doing it; babies are exhausting so it's easy to find the free time you seem to have disappearing and although newborns can't walk, they do need a lot more attention than you might think - it's not safe to leave them unsupervised so if you're alone in the house and your kitchen and living room layout suck, you might struggle to be able to cook and make sure the baby is safe at the same time, if that makes sense.

In a lot of women's defence, for some people maternity leave is only six weeks so women who are forced to return to work quickly after the birth have some kind of excuse I guess, although again, if you really want to eat healthily then you do, you find the time.

It's worth remembering that 90% of parenting is basically trying your hardest to keep the kids alive and you make a ton of mistakes every day and don't do things you planned to or hoped to, which is probably why the flabby tummy mummy brigade get so defensive over it all, they feel they are trying their hardest. But it should be a priority for parents to try and feed their kids healthy food which is why I loathe the argument that they eat crappy food because that's what they're giving their kids; giving kids good produce should be a top priority, not a minor one. And I couldn't have managed to feed my son well so easily if it wasn't for the fact that his father cooks really, really well and cares about feeding him good stuff; if both parents are involved then it helps a great deal, not everyone has that unfortunately.
 
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Ellie

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@Butternut @vanitas @FrançoiseEllyn Thanks! So to paraphrase what all of you are saying - it's hard, way harder than what anyone who's never been through it would expect, but if you make it a priority - as feeding your kids healthy (and I'll add, staying healthy for your kids) should be - you can make it happen.

Sounds kinda like just regular weight loss...there will always be an excuse to not do it (and believe me, I've found them all). IMO, the stakes should be so much higher when you have kids - you have so much more reason to take care of yourself.
 
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Intrinsicality

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@Butternut @vanitas @FrançoiseEllyn Thanks! So to paraphrase what all of you are saying - it's hard, way harder than what anyone who's never been through it would expect, but if you make it a priority - as feeding your kids healthy (and I'll add, staying healthy for your kids) should be - you can make it happen.

Sounds kinda like just regular weight loss...there will always be an excuse to not do it (and believe me, I've found them all). IMO, the stakes should be so much higher when you have kids - you have so much more reason to take care of yourself.

I agree here.

I do think though we are being a bit harsh about what it takes to care for a newborn. For the first few months...they dont have a set schedule...can cry through the night....not latch on....chapped nipples...postpartum bleeding...episiotomies...maybe even a c-section.... throw in the needs of another child, competing for attention and your partner...as well as career stresses. Its rough. Very rough. Its very emotionally wrought.

It shouldn't be an excuse to be forever fat but I feel as women we should have some compassion on the matter.
 
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vanitas

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I agree here.

I do think though we are being a bit harsh about what it takes to care for a newborn. For the first few months...they dont have a set schedule...can cry through the night....not latch on....chapped nipples...postpartum bleeding...episiotomies...maybe even a c-section.... throw in the needs of another child, competing for attention and your partner...as well as career stresses. Its rough. Very rough. Its very emotionally wrought.

It shouldn't be an excuse to be forever fat but I feel as women we should have some compassion on the matter.

You're absolutely right about this.
 
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Marmosetian

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Why does EVERYTHING offend EVERYONE? I actually saw this as an article on the runners world page on Facebook. I read some of the comments and they said: "she looks like a runner to me! This is a runners body. What is the problem?"

Its usually the overweight lazy women who are offended by something like this.. then the people who actually train/workout see no problems.

' Is this woman for real? (I say as I choke into my lukewarm coffee). I have no problem with the bikini or the fact that's she's jogging, but where's her floppy belly and stretch marks?

So I guess to be a real mom you must have the following to get approval:
flabby belly
stretch marks
exhausted look

We are living in an era of constant outrage. Honestly, the sole purpose of many people's online presence is to be outraged at anything that threatens the way in which they have chosen to live their lives. They then do their best to drum up outrage among their peers and use the collective outrage to castigate their selected target, which can be anything from fit mums to skinny Topshop mannequins to people who made a mildly racist comment. Of course no one should be making racist comments but often the venom directed at the perpetrator by the online lynch mob will be totally out of proportion to the actual comment. It's basically mob justice for the internet age, which I find very worrying because real justice needs to be meted out with great care after hearing both sides of a story. There's a fascinating online piece about it on Slate: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/...ing_you_were_angry_about_on_social_media.html
 
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lena

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New mothers give newborns very much attention, that they also need, but when you have the second child you realize they don't need SO much attention, you don't have the capacities to give them everything, as you have to take care of the other child, so basically you do what you can do, and that's less than with the first child. Unfortunately, there's no way you know it, when you are new mother, you want to do everything right. (please, don't take me literally, I think I'm a good mother, but you don't have to run to the baby at every peep :)

And yes, it's a hard job to take care of a newborn, although it sleeps so much. You are sleep deprived, tired, you don't know so exactly what to do and the most frustrating thing is when you don't know, why the baby is crying.

But, as somebody pointed it out very well, you have to sort out your priorities. At first the priority is your baby, but after a while it could be you, your body. And as I'm getting older I have to take care of me more, if I want to look good, I sacrifice other things for it - mostly cleaning and gardening :) So, it's the priorities
 
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littlebirdwings

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A few months ago I started working as a nanny for a family with 3 children (2.5, 8, and 12). I've been losing non-stop since then---constantly running around, picking up/carrying the littlest one, pushing the pram, running around picking them up from school and dropping them off at activities, keeping them entertained and tiring them out in the park/playing sports/games/etc. It's non-stop cardio. I don't have any children of my own, but it seems that if you prioritize your children (ie, playing with them outside vs sitting them in front of a tv) your body would fall in line pretty quickly without having to even think about it too much.

One thing I really admire about the mom is that she makes sure that about 90% of their meals are healthy and home cooked. Almost every morning she throws something healthy in the slow cooker (like a chicken and veg stew) and so by dinner time it's ready to go (usually plus steamed vegetables and rice).
 

Ellie

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One thing I really admire about the mom is that she makes sure that about 90% of their meals are healthy and home cooked. Almost every morning she throws something healthy in the slow cooker (like a chicken and veg stew) and so by dinner time it's ready to go (usually plus steamed vegetables and rice).

Slow cookers are the shit. I made a healthy dinner for my whole family at 10 AM this morning.

It shouldn't be an excuse to be forever fat but I feel as women we should have some compassion on the matter.

Oh, I 110% agree. And I'm never going to be that person advocating for zero empathy, ever. Personally, I was such a demon infant that my mom chopped her hair to a pixie cut, because it just took too long to wash long hair while baby Beelzebub was crying. She says for a moment at one point she contemplated jumping out the window, because she'd maybe break her arm and get to sleep in the hospital while they took care of me.

But I mostly mean that different people have different priorities - for those mothers who don't or can't prioritize their bodies, I totally support and understand that. But quit whining about how models aren't covered in goddamn stretch marks and baby vomit.
 
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Ellie

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Hey, fun fact about if you want to have kids and you're worried about getting them to eat their veggies (cause it can make it hard to eat healthy if your kids are like picky childhood Ellie, eating only Mac n'cheese and chicken nuggets).

It takes kids 8-10 times of being exposed to a novel food to like it. Keep. Trying.
 
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Eternal Summer

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Hey, fun fact about if you want to have kids and you're worried about getting them to eat their veggies (cause it can make it hard to eat healthy if your kids are like picky childhood Ellie, eating only Mac n'cheese and chicken nuggets).

It takes kids 8-10 times of being exposed to a novel food to like it. Keep. Trying.
Have you noticed that children menus in restaurants usually include a lot of fried stuff and then some dessert? It's like children are expected to eat crap. It breaks my heart seeing parents cook/buy unhealthy food for their children just because they "need the energy" and "are allowed to eat anything".
 
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Intrinsicality

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Hey, fun fact about if you want to have kids and you're worried about getting them to eat their veggies (cause it can make it hard to eat healthy if your kids are like picky childhood Ellie, eating only Mac n'cheese and chicken nuggets).

It takes kids 8-10 times of being exposed to a novel food to like it. Keep. Trying.

Have you noticed that children menus in restaurants usually include a lot of fried stuff and then some dessert? It's like children are expected to eat crap. It breaks my heart seeing parents cook/buy unhealthy food for their children just because they "need the energy" and "are allowed to eat anything".

This is a pet peeve of mine. I hate how much crap the food industry markets to children as suitable food.

The 'lunchables' product geared as packed lunches for kids is outrageous. Everytime I walk by it I think...who in their right mind woould want to pack these for their kids? It is NOT food.

Even the gerber's foods for toddlers is rife with products like cheese curls and mac and cheese.

About the kids learning new tastes; I remember hosting a family for a few weeks ...and everytime we went out to dinner....they would hate the local wholesome eateries we took them to and instead always went out for mcdonalds as their night cap. Anytime the kids threw a tantrum....it would be mcdonalds crap in an attempt to shut them up. Apparently they claimed...that was all their kids wanted...and anytime the kids werent eating they were given bottled juice to 'hydrate' them. I have never seen such parenting. If I let myself think about it....my brain jams at the level of :headbang:
 
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Sun Chaser

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I have a two year old and I have to say that having her around has made me more mindful of my eating habits. I don't eat as much crap as I used to eat because I don't want her eating any of it, it's even gotten to a point where she can't handle things that are too sweet. My parents wanted to sneak her a chocolate but she only took a bite of it and you could see the disgust in her face:lol:. Her favourite "sweets" are strawberries. I agree that having a newborn baby is exhausting but after some time one should be able to shed off some kilos if they do not have any medical condition that prevents them to.
 
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Liz

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Here's a question: I feel like I hear a lot if new moms say they're too busy to cook or eat healthy (because steaming vegetables takes so much time...?) I kinda get this if you've got ten-and-ups you're driving to soccer practice and whatever. But when you're a new mom on maternity leave, home all day with a lump that cannot walk and is basically just an eat/sleep/poop machine ...don't you kinda have nothing but time to cook a healthy dinner?

Finding time to cook is not that difficult if you're a stay at home mom, but it's hard when you work and then have to prepare everything while several hungry toddlers run through the kitchen, screaming, fighting, and demanding their food NOW. This is why I mostly cook on weekends only, during the week I cut up some fruit and vegetables for dinner and hope they get their nutrients.

A few months ago I started working as a nanny for a family with 3 children (2.5, 8, and 12). I've been losing non-stop since then---constantly running around, picking up/carrying the littlest one, pushing the pram, running around picking them up from school and dropping them off at activities, keeping them entertained and tiring them out in the park/playing sports/games/etc. It's non-stop cardio. I don't have any children of my own, but it seems that if you prioritize your children (ie, playing with them outside vs sitting them in front of a tv) your body would fall in line pretty quickly without having to even think about it too much.

I agree with you that playing outside with your kids is a good thing for numerous reasons, but it's no guarantee for being a skinny mom. Because afterwards you go home and prepare dinner for the kids and after you've been outside for hours you're probably hungry yourself and resisting at family meals is really hard, at least for me. I always struggle to find a balance between being a good role model in terms of eating habits while not giving in to the meals I make for others too often. What works best for me is to eat very little or preferably nothing during the day and then have dinner with the family.

RE: Moms who dare to exercise and look good - doing something for yourself is the best advise I can give to any mom. You have to give up so much in order to be a good parent, but your body doesn't have to be one of those things. If I'm happy with myself (and that considerably depends on the way I look) I am much more patient with my children and after some demanding classes at the gym I am very relaxed and ready to listen to enlightening discussions about who's unfair and who took the car and who stole the dinosaur and can we please have a bonfire in our room etc.
 
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