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  #1  
Old 06-05-2012, 04:49 PM
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Default Skinny Insecurities

I have a friend who is very, very thin (size 0 is generally too big, she can't find swimsuits that fit at most stores, AA cup size). She's this way without trying, and she's quite healthy in body and mind. I love how she looks, and am understandably envious, which is why I was shocked to find out she's very self conscious.

She calls herself "skeletal" and "too thin", saying she wants to gain weight (note, she isn't at all unhealthy, and she doesn't look emaciated). As our conversation continued, I came to the realization that she feels uncomfortable because she's constantly questioned about her weight and health, and people have no qualms saying things like, "Oh my God, you're sooooo skinny. Do you even eat? Are you anorexic?" She feels awkward and ugly, and no one seems to care because she's thin.

She also says that she hates how disproportionate she feels in clothing, especially shirts. They don't fit her chest unless she shops in the children section, and then they're too short. (This all stems from a lengthy conversation we had today over lunch)

I've come to the conclusion that while the media emphasizes slender women, and large women complain about the pressure to be thin, there is far more pressure on skinny women to gain weight or change their shape. American society isn't made for skinny women, it caters to average or above.

My point is that I hate that she feels so insecure because other people can't mind their own business. I hate that instead of encouraging average sizes, clothing stores use vanity sizing and slowly get rid of their small sizes. She deserves to feel good about herself, not made to feel like she's unattractive and unhealthy.

No one would ever pull this nonsense with a fat girl. Those stupid slogans say "healthy is beautiful!" with a picture of a robust woman, or "real women have curves!", and completely alienate perfectly healthy and lovely individuals who happen to be small. That's my rant for the day.
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  #2  
Old 06-05-2012, 07:20 PM
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Does she herself like the way she looks or does she just not like the running commentary? The running commentary never stops. Even well into my 30s random strangers still feel they have a license to comment on my weight so she will HAVE to develop coping skills there. If she doesn't like the way she looks then understanding what she doesn't like would be important.
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Old 06-05-2012, 07:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Hypatia View Post
Does she herself like the way she looks or does she just not like the running commentary? The running commentary never stops. Even well into my 30s random strangers still feel they have a license to comment on my weight so she will HAVE to develop coping skills there. If she doesn't like the way she looks then understanding what she doesn't like would be important.
She says she used to like the way she looked, but she's come to see it as disgusting. From what I gathered, she thinks that way because she feels the majority of people see her as grossly thin. It's hard to stay confident if you feel like the world thinks you're unattractive.
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Old 06-05-2012, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by elmas View Post
She says she used to like the way she looked, but she's come to see it as disgusting. From what I gathered, she thinks that way because she feels the majority of people see her as grossly thin. It's hard to stay confident if you feel like the world thinks you're unattractive.
Yeah and I would argue it is hard for the world to see you as attractive if you are not confident sometimes. I loved my face when I was younger but didn't really feel womanly because I was so skinny. I ended up buying breasts and it honestly boosted my confidence (probably to borderline narcissistic levels haha). I am not advocating PS for her but she does need to explore what she really doesn't like. It is a shame to waste youth without confidence.
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Old 06-06-2012, 12:18 AM
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I was at a lower weight than I am now about a year ago, with a BMI of 15. At the time I got lots of cruel comments from people at school, I didn't mind the girls so much but when boys criticised my body it upset me.

Its funny, because even though I love the skinny aesthetic, I also care what people say about me. I felt like I would never get a boyfriend and that everyone thought I had an eating disorder, which I didn't want them to think because I didn't.

Now I am at a BMI of 16 and am much happer, despite not being as slender or having a lovely little xylophone anymore. I have found a medium which allows me to be skinny, but still find nice adult clothing and stay under the radar from strangers who would have previously made judgements about me.

That's why I love this site, it makes me feel safe and more confident in my body, even though I have a bigger BMI now.
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  #6  
Old 06-06-2012, 01:05 AM
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My cousin is like that. She is absolutely tiny, partly because of her slight built and partly because of stress at work, etc. Everyone thinks she is starving herself, and while she's not eating well, she certainly doesn't consciously deprive herself.

The thing is, she is so terribly self conscious. She never wears dresses because she believes her legs are too ugly for this. Few years back we went on holidays in Spain together and it was awful. She bought herself two dresses, bikini, and a pair of shorts but she refused to wear them and when she finally did, she acted like an awkward teen in heels. Her husband doesn't help either, he is constantly mocking her self consciousness and her looks. I think he is doing this to laugh her fears off, but they've been married for 10 years now, so he should have figured it out that it doesn't work.

It's sad that 9/10 girls wants to look like a supermodel and when there is one that actually does, she loathes her looks.
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Old 06-06-2012, 02:23 AM
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My best friend is kind of an in-between.
She is skinny but imo she also a little skinny-chubby, she could be more toned/defined. But she looks very healthy.
And I don't know if she's doing this on purpose, but ever since I started eating more healthy and losing weight she always tells me how people are commenting about her weight. That everybody thinks she's anorexic, that she's trying to lose weight, that a friend told her, that it is enough with dieting/exercising. She hates these comments but seriously? I think she looks healthy and I wouldn't even consider her anorexic/bulemic for one second.

Also she loves beeing slim because when she is shopping she always rants about when she has to buy clothes a size bigger than usually but then again she says she wants to gain like 5 pounds.
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Old 06-06-2012, 04:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elmas View Post
I have a friend who is very, very thin (size 0 is generally too big, she can't find swimsuits that fit at most stores, AA cup size). She's this way without trying, and she's quite healthy in body and mind. I love how she looks, and am understandably envious, which is why I was shocked to find out she's very self conscious.

She calls herself "skeletal" and "too thin", saying she wants to gain weight (note, she isn't at all unhealthy, and she doesn't look emaciated). As our conversation continued, I came to the realization that she feels uncomfortable because she's constantly questioned about her weight and health, and people have no qualms saying things like, "Oh my God, you're sooooo skinny. Do you even eat? Are you anorexic?" She feels awkward and ugly, and no one seems to care because she's thin.

She also says that she hates how disproportionate she feels in clothing, especially shirts. They don't fit her chest unless she shops in the children section, and then they're too short. (This all stems from a lengthy conversation we had today over lunch)

I've come to the conclusion that while the media emphasizes slender women, and large women complain about the pressure to be thin, there is far more pressure on skinny women to gain weight or change their shape. American society isn't made for skinny women, it caters to average or above.

My point is that I hate that she feels so insecure because other people can't mind their own business. I hate that instead of encouraging average sizes, clothing stores use vanity sizing and slowly get rid of their small sizes. She deserves to feel good about herself, not made to feel like she's unattractive and unhealthy.

No one would ever pull this nonsense with a fat girl. Those stupid slogans say "healthy is beautiful!" with a picture of a robust woman, or "real women have curves!", and completely alienate perfectly healthy and lovely individuals who happen to be small. That's my rant for the day.
I'm sorry your friend feels this way. My sister used to get really upset about her body too, but it took a lot of convincing and I still think today she does want to be slightly bigger but she has definitely embraced it more and she likes being skinny. I guess we all want what we don't have, I dunno. You can show your friend the positives to being skinny, and maybe you can go shopping with her to help her find some good clothing. And talk to her about how you feel with your body, that way she'll know it's not always better to be a different size.
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  #9  
Old 06-06-2012, 07:03 AM
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I totally agree with your whole rant, girl! I get so mad when people tell thinner women they need to gain weight. Nobody needs to do anything, as long as they take care of themselves. I'm not exactly as thin as her (hopefully I will be soon enough!), but I can definitely relate to her issues with tops (I'm a 34AA, if there was a AAA, I'd be that :P). One day I was walking by the mall, coming home, and some teenage guys (yes BOYS) literally had the nerve to tease me about my small breasts. I wanted to just laugh it off, but instead I thought I'd make them uncomfortable and teach them a lesson, so I told them "it's called a mastectomy, look it up" and just walked away. Ok, I haven't had one, I'm just naturally small chested, and I doubt they looked it up, but who knows. ANYWAYS that's my rant :P I hope your friend doesn't continually feel pressured to lose weight, I'm sure her figure is GORGEOUS!
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Old 06-06-2012, 08:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasmine171819 View Post
I totally agree with your whole rant, girl! I get so mad when people tell thinner women they need to gain weight. Nobody needs to do anything, as long as they take care of themselves. I'm not exactly as thin as her (hopefully I will be soon enough!), but I can definitely relate to her issues with tops (I'm a 34AA, if there was a AAA, I'd be that :P). One day I was walking by the mall, coming home, and some teenage guys (yes BOYS) literally had the nerve to tease me about my small breasts. I wanted to just laugh it off, but instead I thought I'd make them uncomfortable and teach them a lesson, so I told them "it's called a mastectomy, look it up" and just walked away. Ok, I haven't had one, I'm just naturally small chested, and I doubt they looked it up, but who knows. ANYWAYS that's my rant :P I hope your friend doesn't continually feel pressured to lose weight, I'm sure her figure is GORGEOUS!
that was really witty. I hate it how boys tease girls with small breasts. What's so great about big breasts anyway?
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